I got out some books from the library on career planning the other day. The first one I read (very quickly as there are only a couple of chapters that are pertinent to me) was about how to choose a career based on your Myer Briggs personality type.
It will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me and who knows anything about the Myer Briggs tests to learn that I am an INFP. I’ve done variations of this test many times over the years, and it’s always the same. According to the book I was reading, this makes me an Enhancer. Apparently I see other people’s potential and pretty much want us all to live in a bubble of sunshine and lollipops. Every time I read the word “enhancer”, my brain kept thinking “enabler”. Maybe that just makes me a pessimistic enhancer. Or maybe I’m just cynical.
Yet I wonder if I am an enabler. I allow myself to be exploited by others. The “friend” I have mentioned here before uses me as a taxi service, and while I have set up some boundaries around that, still I don’t seem to be able to say “Fuck off” when she makes an unreasonable request.
Yesterday, for example, she asked me to drive her to the evening thing we are both involved in. She had originally asked me to do this as a regular thing, but on that occasion I had said no, as I had work and family and meals to prepare, and I wasn’t prepared to build the extra half hour into my schedule to accommodate her. But this week, she knew that I’m not working any more, and that my family are away for a few days. And of course she stressed how she wouldn’t be able to go if I didn’t take her.
And I think this is what pisses me off. If it was just an occasional thing, and I knew that she really had tried other options, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t mind giving her a lift – I do it a couple of times a week, after all. But she just places the responsibility for her transport on other people. Usually, her parents drive her there. When they can’t, her brother does. This is a 38-year-old woman, still being driven around by her mum and dad.
I told her I would drive her, but she would have to put up with being late. I wasn’t going to be needed for the first 20 minutes and I wasn’t going to change my schedule to get her there on time.
I have asked her in the past, when she’d complained about her parents unwillingness to keep driving her about, why she couldn’t use public transport. And her response was that she could but the timetable is so convoluted that it would take her 2 hours to get there. Yesterday, I checked for myself. 55minutes, is all it would take. It boggles my mind that she will not put herself through the strain of 55 minutes on public transport, but she thinks nothing of asking me to extend my 25 minute car trip to 50 minutes. It boggles my mind that there are people out there unwilling to take responsibility for their own situations. This morning I am on a train, heading to the state’s central west to go camping with my family, who had driven up a few days ago. In order to catch this train, I had to get up at 5.30 am. I caught a cab to the train station, then a bus to another train station. I arranged all this myself, and didn’t expect someone else to do it for me. I can’t understand why other people can’t do the same.
And it also frustrates me, because it taints my enjoyment of what should be an enjoyable activity for me. And I know that when I’m thinking about future projects, I will need to choose something she can’t be involved in, simply to rid myself of the responsibility.
Ugh. Must stop whining.