So, I received another Facebook message from another ex-boyfriend this week. Maybe as the end of the year approached, regrets surface or something.
Actually, his email was in response to one of mine. We’d been “friends” on FB for a few years now, but the other day I received a friend request from him. When I looked at his friends list, I saw that it was the same list he’d always had. So I sent a quick message, “Why did you delete me?”
I was thinking maybe it was an accident ir something, so I was a little unprepared to be told that it was because after all these years, he still has feelings for me and thought it was better if he wasn’t privy to what was going on in my life.
So I was unprepared, but not surprised. I’ve always known that if ever I found myself somehow single again, he’d be the first person knocking on my door.
And I don’t really know how I feel about that. We were together when I was in my mid 20s. He was recently divorced and angry. I was too young and not prepared for the responsibilities that came with being a stepmum. There wqs a lot of love and laughter, but there were a lot of fights too.
But he wqs the only person who ever believed in me. He thought I was wonderful. He adored me. I gave him the encouragement he needed to turn his life around. But, in the end, it didn’t work. I felt like he loved me too much. I didn’t know what I wantd out of life. So we went our separate ways.
He knew he went back to my previous boyfriend, and he knows I’m still with him. I told him that I need to do everything I can to make my relationshiop work, even though I’m not sure if that’s even true.
But this is a complication. I need to be able to make up my mind about my relationship with my partner without there being the slightest inkling of a backup plan about. And I know, I already said that I had always known that if I found myself single, he’d be there, but before that was hypothetical. Now I know it’s a definite possibility and it clouds things for me.
And I feel so guilty for even contemplating this at all.